Patient Resources

Coping with Fertility Forum Drama

Fertility forums are commonly utilized as a safe place for men and women who are currently experiencing or have previously experienced the emotional and physical challenges presented during a fertility journey. The purpose of the online forum community is to serve as a large support group for one another. Individuals will find themselves cheering and holding out hope for one another, and even in the event of a loss, the online community cries for one another. However, online fertility forums have a dark side that are not always seen. 


There is a mind game that many of us play, “Who has it worse, who has it better?” Couples seem to play in two different ways. The first way claims that they have it worse and everyone else has it better. For example, “I’ve been trying for four years, but she has only been trying for two.” On the other hand, the second way to play the game is by acting as if someone else has it worse, but we have it better. For example, “I can’t imagine what it’s like to be so close and then lose a pregnancy. That must be so heartbreaking.” It is natural for us as humans to do this kind of comparing inside. However, it is when people start posting their judgments online, things can become misconstrued and turn nasty quickly. 

Fertility Forum Arguments

People who are infertile consistently seek support and acceptance in the real world. When in reality, the majority of the most hurtful things are said among IFers themselves. Women have been bashed on fertility forums for expressing her suffering from her secondary infertility, because she already had at least one child. People can also become jealous very quickly when others post their pregnancy successes. If a fellow infertile person receives a positive pregnancy test, as a part of a fertility forum community we should all feel cheerful and hopeful, both for them and yourself. Infertility brings a lot of emotions to the surface, but when you aim your anger at other infertiles, you don’t just hurt them and the group, but you hurt yourself.

How to Handle the Drama 

If you are currently a part of a fertility forum that feels toxic, find another group. There are many positive and more accepting forums online that actually pride themselves on uplifting themselves and others. Remember that there are groups centered around particular diagnoses or time trying to conceive. Find one these groups instead of trying to break apart a group that includes people you don’t feel comfortable around. Before you let your anger get the best of you, get appropriate help for your anger and pain and find the correct group centered around your situation. We all deserve to feel at peace. 


The North Carolina Center for Reproductive Medicine/Talbert Fertility Institute is the premiere center for reproductive health in North Carolina and the East Coast. Our team specializes in fertility testing, diagnosis, and treatment of infertility conditions. We’re experts in IVF, Tubal Ligation Reversal, Male Infertility, Intrauterine Insemination (IUI), Gestation Surrogacy, Family Balancing, and more. Contact us today.

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