Patient Resources

What Not to Say to Someone with Infertility

If you have a friend or family member with infertility, it can feel as if you are constantly making the wrong comments and putting your foot in your mouth. Most insensitive comments that are made are not meant to be hurtful. Instead, they are made out of a strong desire to say something that will defuse a tense situation. We want to solve our friend or family member’s problem by making light of the situation in a joking manner. However, we tend to unintentionally make things worse. Here are some things you should avoid saying. 

“You Can Always Do IVF”

IVF is often seen as a cure for infertility. However, it is not so simple. There are many factors to consider while looking into IVF. IVF is very expensive, costing anywhere between $12,000 and $25,000 for one treatment cycle and it is rarely covered by insurance. Secondly, IVF is not a guaranteed pregnancy method, as for women under 35, there’s just a 39.6% per cycle success rate. 

“Trust Me, You’re Lucky You Don’t Have Kids”

We all are well aware of the obstacles that come along with babies. We know babies are messy and loud. However, infertile couples are not clueless. Never downplay a couple’s infertile journey by making your blessing sound like a curse. 

“Maybe You’re Not Meant to Be Parents”

This is one of the worst things a couple experiencing infertility can hear. There are thousands of essentially bad or even abusive parents that manage to have children every day. Therefore, it is evident that being qualified for the job of parents is not required. 

“If You Really Wanted a Baby, You’d Have One Already. Your Mind Is Probably Preventing You From Conceiving”

When a couple is wanting to conceive and have a child more than anything, being told they don’t want one is extremely hurtful. Even if on some level a woman or man doesn’t want a child, not wanting it enough will not cause infertility. If this statement were true, then birth control would be nonexistent because it would have no purpose to serve. 


The North Carolina Center for Reproductive Medicine/Talbert Fertility Institute is the premiere center for reproductive health in North Carolina and the East Coast. Our team specializes in fertility testing, diagnosis, and treatment of infertility conditions. We’re experts in IVF, Tubal Ligation Reversal, Male Infertility, Intrauterine Insemination (IUI), Gestation Surrogacy, Family Balancing, and more. Contact us today.

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